Alan Wake Postponed...Again...

It's beginning to look more and more like Alan Wake may not make it to an XBox near you.

You may remember my post last year about the game, originally planned for release on XBox 360, Playstation and PC until they signed an exclusive contract with Microsoft. It was announced as the next biggest survival horror game, but it was the billing as a "psychological thriller" that interested me.

But after being first unveiled in early 2005, its release date is continually being pushed off. For a long time the developers said to expect it in 2008, but yet again they've postponed it until 2009. You can read more about it here.

As Remedy Entertainment has said, they'll release it "when it's done". That's fine, but is it really worth spending an extra year to get those trees to look just right when the game itself may take two weeks to play?

My insatiable curiosity for suspense and clever plots that cheerfully drag you on a daytrip through Hell is slowly being replaced by irritation and overwhelming boredom. As other fans have already suggested, by the time this game comes out it may already fall woefully behind the games other developers have created to keep up with changing technology. Come on, Remedy: it may be the "best game ever to exist in the history of computerized entertainment"...but it's still just a game.

In the meantime, it's been suggested to me that I turn my sights to a suitable replacement for Alan Wake. It's called Overclocked: A History of Violence, released for the PC by Lighthouse Interactive a couple of months ago. According to those who have played it, what it lacks in updated sound and visuals it more than makes up for in actual plot and gameplay. You play Army psychiatrist David McNamara, called into the Staten Island Forensic Hospital on a case involving five individuals who were found wandering the streets of New York naked, screaming and each holding a gun. They don't remember anything, and it's up to David to figure out what happened. A warning in advance to those of you who don't like getting in over your head: as one game reviewer put it, "It's advisable not to go anywhere near Overclocked if you're looking for a game to cheer you up."

Will I play it? Honestly, I have no idea yet. There's too much going on in my life right now to decide that. But Overclocked does seem to fit my requirements: it's dark, suspenseful, a psychological thriller...and most importantly, available.

Trailer:

It's The Cup Game!

Forget reality TV. Forget Paris Hilton. Forget all the celebrity gossip you've heard recently about who got drunk, wasn't wearing underwear, or dumped an obnoxious star on their face at the Fox Really Awards. There's a new sensation guaranteed to capture your attention for much longer than any of these flashes in the proverbial pan (at least five seconds!) After long minutes of searching through YouTube for the perfect new potential Olympic sport, I give you...the Cup Game!



This newest hit is sweeping the nation--or at least the various schools, colleges, and summer camps therein. Yes, dear parents, this is what your hard-earned, blood- and sweat-bought money is funding. You can rest knowing America will soon take their place on the international stage as the country with the most hand-eye coordinated citizens with a sense of rhythm. Just think--every time you're at home, imagining your son or daughter studying hard in their dorm, you can remember this:



It just goes to show that success in life doesn't require any knowledge of math or science, any diplomatic or mechanical skills, or even any thoughtfully-formed opinions about news events, celebrities, international affairs or the literary world. All you really need is a good sense of timing...and a cup.

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