Burning Down

I just uploaded the ninth of twelve chapters in my new fanfic. Although the story itself sprang to mind after watching that YouTube video I mentioned before, this chapter was fueled almost entirely by the song "Whisper" by Evanescence (lyrics found here; the song can be heard on this Fullmetal video on YouTube.) If you hear it, you'll figure out why it worked so well.

It was, without a doubt, the hardest chapter of any fanfic I've ever written. I found myself poring over it, changing it over and over until my head hurt--which, when it comes to fanfic, is very odd for me. Up to the second I clicked "upload", I almost decided to let the story go unfinished. Not for any sadistic reason, mind you; I know there are a few interested readers out there and felt terrible about letting them down. It was more out of an unexplainable, vague uneasiness I couldn't understand. Fear of rejection, sure--but I always have that. This was something more, and I think I've finally figured out what it is.

Many years ago my playwriting professor lamented that, although I can write a great story, when it comes to infusing the characters with passion I put up a wall between myself and the audience (and not the good kind of wall.) It's a defense mechanism that I, apparently, am not always aware of. I tend to think (even when I don't realize it) that the audience is looking past the characters and judging the writer.

Usually, it's a little different with fanfic where I'm concerned. The characters have already been established in the reader's mind, so I can focus on the plot instead of worry about what the audience will be thinking when I have the character act a certain way. That may be why I have a good grasp of personalities when I write: I'm always fully conscious of what the character is feeling at any given time, even when they're not in the spotlight. The difference is, with stage/screenplays I'm hesitant to let the audience see those feelings for fear of being judged through the characters feeling them. How's that for screwed up? I think there was a line on Grey's Anatomy that explains it perfectly: "scary and damaged".

This chapter brought out some extreme emotions in the characters, which explains the issues I had in writing it. In a way, I consider it a type of breakthrough on my journey to becoming a better writer. I've discovered what my problem is and when it surfaces; now I just need to figure out how to work through it.

It Ends Here Tonight

A MASH-based screencap video on YouTube has prompted my overworked, cynical, barely rational mind to create another fanfic, which can be found here. I hadn't ever planned to revisit the theme of my previous fanfic, but the video grabbed my attention with the tenacity of a bulldog and wouldn't let go until I finished.

I seem to have a fascination with close friendships--maybe because most people desire that kind of closeness with at least one other person in their lives, though so few actually find it. It doesn't necessarily even have to be a romantic or sexual connection (something I wish the slash writers would realize), just a true understanding of the other person and a willingness to accept their dark side without scorn. A lot can be explored in that kind of relationship, which is probably why much of my work is centered around it.

Maybe that's the true basis of love: just being there when the other person needs it, never demanding more than they can give. If we all had at least one relationship like that in our lives, I think the world would be a much happier place.

M*A*S*H fanfic

Mon conte est finie. I command you to read it.

A Little Fall of Rain

I uploaded the first chapter of my fanfic to FanFiction.net. Check it out. Other chaptery goodness is soon to follow, I promise.

YouTube

Saw a blooper reel for M*A*S*H that I thought was cute. I also stumbled across a music video combining the "Abyssynia, Henry" episode with Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight". Oddly touching.

So far this week I've managed to catch up with two friends I haven't spoken to in years. One I used to go to Drew with; she's in Chicago currently getting her master's in music business management. Somehow she's been there God knows how many years and still hasn't gone to the Museum of Science and Industry. I, on the other hand, spend every minute there whenever I visit the Windy City. There, and the Adler Planetarium. I'm such a nerd.

My other friend and I used to play a MUD game called Dragon's Gate. Sadly, the game is no more, but I remembered having written a few poems my character recited--see the right side of this blog for links. Poems aren't really my thing, but I enjoyed the opportunity to write them.

I also won every poetry contest my character entered, to boot. That means I'm either a good poet or just neurotic--maybe both. Three cheers for obsessive perfectionism!