Another Year

It's June 25th again, and another birthday rolls around. Supposedly this is the space where I reflect on everything that's happened in the past year, and conjecture as to what's coming in the next year.

But, truthfully, for once I don't have the energy or desire to reflect on anything, and I sure as hell won't even try to figure out what's going to happen in my life for the next year. Avoidance? Maybe. Do I care? Not really.

Thankfully, I don't have to. At the beginning of 2008 it was decided by a few friends that, rather than making yet another long-winded post no one will read, we simply choose one song that most accurately describes our life at this point in time (so long as no one, NO ONE picked Aqua's "Barbie Girl", at the risk of being shot), and one song that reflects our view of what real love is like. I've given it considerable thought over the past few weeks, and came up with the following.

My life as it is right now:


What real love is like:


Nothing wrong with being realistic, right?

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Now playing: Nightwish - Nemo
via FoxyTunes

Birthday Pains

I've been stretching the truth a little in my profile until now--today is actually when I turn 26. It's the first birthday I almost forgot...and sort of wish I did.

Never thought I'd be one of those people who get all depressed and morose on their birthday. Looking back, I guess it's been a natural progression for me. While I never had any grand delusions that I would be saving the world by now, I did expect to be doing something worthwhile. Instead I sit in limbo, waiting: waiting to get enough money to pay off my student loans, waiting to get my life back on track, waiting for those words I long to hear from my father's radiation oncologist that the cancer is gone. So much waiting...and only 26 damn years old.

In birthdays past I would celebrate with friends and family by seeing a Broadway show (front row, of course) and visiting my friend Bob at the Encore restaurant in the Marriott Marquis. This year I have no money, nearly all my friends have moved out of state, and neither of my parents are in any physical condition to celebrate. So now I celebrate the only way I can--with a deep dish pizza and a blog post.

I know I sound bitter and self-pitying, and maybe to a degree I am. But while I've learned to adapt to any situation quickly, embracing change has never been a strong point for me. Now I'm another year older, nothing is how I envisioned it five years ago, and the road ahead is rocky at best and a nightmare at worst. 26...and I feel like 50.

Ah, well. Maybe next year the Broadway lights will sparkle again.